“Am I Aromantic” – How to Know if You are Aromantic

Sexuality has always been a confusing thing for many, to say the least. It’s complex, fluid, and ever changing, something so hard to ever fully understand ourselves. To make understanding it even a little bit easier, we have labels and communities that you can figure out if you’re a part of. Most of us know the basic ones—heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual, and gay. It’s probably the most prominent ones we know, and the ones the most of us decide to look at to understand the complexity of our sexuality. However, there are many lesser known and rarer labels. One of them is aromantic. If you clicked on this article, you might be asking this: am I aromantic? It’s definitely not something easy to decipher, but that’s why I’m here, to help you understand what it means to be aromantic and help you figure out if you really are.

What Does it Mean to be Aromantic?

The first thing you need to know is what it means to be aromantic. According to WebMD aromanticism is just the lack of romantic attraction one has for another. However, just like I explained in my article on asexuality, this is no binary identity. Aromanticism exists as a spectrum, just as most sexualities do. Your aromanticism can fluctuate, exist in only certain situations, or even cause you to be disgusted by any sort of romantic activities.

If you think you might be asexual as well as aromantic, then this article on aroace is for you! Aroace is essentially a combination of the asexual and aromantic idenities—the “aro” being aromantic and “ace” being asexual. If you think you might be asexual, make sure to check out this article that gives you the exact information you need to know if you are asexual. Then, you can figure out if you are aroace as well.

The Aromantic Spectrum

As mentioned before, aromanticism has quite a vast spectrum. You might have read so far but are still uncertain whether or not you are aromantic. That is completely understandable, considering a significant amount of the aromantic spectrum is not totally opposed to romance. In fact, one of these microlabels may fully fit what you’re experiencing.  If you feel like you might not fully fit the basic definition of aromanticism, this will be the section to answer your question, “am I aromantic?”

Aromantic

Someone who does not experience romantic attraction. This is the general umbrella term for all the labels that are to follow.

Aroflux

Someone who experiences romantic attraction in fluctuation between periods of romantic attraction and the lack thereof. Their fluctuation may stay within the aromatic spectrum, meaning within the labels described on this page, or may fluctuate between allotomanticism (feeling romantic attraction) and aromanticism.

Aegoromantic

Someone who enjoys romantic content and may even experience romantic attraction but has no desire for a personal romantic relationship. They feel a disconnect between themselves and the subject of attraction, and even if they do feel attraction to someone, they would never want a personal romantic relationship with them.

Arospike

Someone who typically feels no romantic attraction but has occasional spikes in romantic attraction. The period for this attraction to last can vary from one individual to another, like aroflux. However, unlike aroflux, they are usually aromantic and don’t have regular fluctuations of romantic attraction, just random spikes of it.

Autoromantic

Someone who feels romantic attraction to themselves. They may not be comfortable or able to have romantic interactions with others but are capable of doing it with themselves. They may even fantasize of a romantic relationship with their own self.

Bellusromantic

Someone who does not experience romantic attraction but enjoys traditionally romantic gestures. They might want to kiss and hold hands, like a typical romantic relationship but feel no romantic attraction to compel those actions as would be in a typical romantic relationship.

Caedromantic

Someone who once experienced romantic attraction but can no longer feel that romantic attraction due to a traumatic event.

Cupioromantic

Someone who wants a romantic attraction despite feeling no romantic attraction. This can be conflated with a bellusromantic but there are a few key differences to note. A bellusromantic person is not necessarily interested in a romantic relationship; rather, they are interested in the aesthetic of romance and the things that traditionally come with it. A cupioromantic person is interested in a relationship, not just the aesthetic of romance.

Demiromantic

Someone who does not experience romantic attraction until they have formed an emotional connection witht he subject of attraction. However, they can still have sexual or platonic relationships with that person, and an emotional bond doesn’t automaotically dictate romantic attraction. The emotional bond simply allows a choice for the relationship to turn romantic.

Fictoromantic

Someone who only experiences romantic attraction towards fictional characters. This can also be gender-based. A fictoromantic person can be attracted to all genders in a fictional universe but only one gender in the real world.

Frayromantic

Someone who only feels romantic attraction towards people they are not very connected to. After building a deeper bond with the subject of attraction, they begin to lose the attraction they once felt. It’s basically the opposite of being demiromantic.

Grayromantic

Someone who experiences romantic attraction at a lessened frequency and intensity than the average alloromantic person. While they might experience romantic attraction in a similar manner to an alloromantic person, they feel it in a much weaker sense, hence their connection to the aromantic spectrum.

Lithromantic / Akoiromantic

Someone who experiences romantic attraction but does not want said attraction to be reciprocated. The romantic attraction may not fade once reciprocated but it most likely will at some point.

Myrromantic

Someone who aligns with multiple labels under the aormantic spectrum and experiences multiple of the identities in the aromantic spectrum. Their identities can be stagnant or fluid. This can be similar to an aroflux person with fluidity between aromantisim but myrromantic people aren’t always fluid with their identities.

Quoiromantic

Someone who is unsure about their romantic orientation or just does not want to put a label on it. They may align with one or more of the identities under this list but do not wish to add a label. Someone’s romantic orientation can be very confusing, and sometimes, just staying unsure is the most comforting thing someone can do for themselves.

Recipromantic

Someone who does not experience romantic attraction unless the romantic feelings are first reciprocated. Essentially, they must have the knowledge of someone having romantic attraction towards them for them to be able to feel romantic attraction towards them. However, just because someone is romantically attracted to them, doesn’t mean the recipromantic person will automatically reciprocate romantic feelings. It just leaves an opening for that to happen.

Requisromantic

Someone who has limited or no romantic attraction due to emotional exhaustion. When they are not emotionally exhausted, they may experience romantic attraction. However, when they feel emotionally exhausted, their romantic feelings leave with it.

Conclusion

Here is (almost) everything you need to know about the aromantic spectrum to finally understand if you are aromantic or not. It’s so helpful to have a larger understanding of these identities you think you might align with, as anything you do that you think is outside of what your label would say could simply be a part of that identity as well. 

However, as I like to stress in many of my articles, don’t let these labels define you. They don’t need to. These communities are there to help others understand their own identity and support them against a society that is far less welcoming. However, they don’t need to be rigid and set in stone. You are who you are and there is no need to stay within the box or standard you set for yourself. Just be who you are and contribute to the society you exist, because at the end of the day, being a  good and authentic person is all that really matters.